Vientiane, Vang Vieng and Vacate!

Oh, Laos…

Laos was a country that I had been dreaming to visit ever since I first saw Aaron and Georgie’s (HappyTimeBlog) video called Long Way to Laos. The video depicted Laos, one of South-East Asia’s poorest countries to be this giant outdoor adventure with enough smiles to go around the world. No, we didn’t rent a motorbike and head off into the mountains like this adventurous couple above, but we did give two cities in Laos a shot before high-tailing it out of there.

Feeling like a V.I.P.

Admittedly our Super VIP bus from Chiang Mai to Udon Thani, Thailand wasn’t the most comfortable twelve hour bus ride that we’ve had as of yet. When we boarded our overnight bus to the border we found that we scored top floor, front row seats. We were really excited considering the front row seats had about three feet of legroom as it was a place for the 4 front row seats to store their smallcarry-on luggage. We had so much leg room that it was almost like we thought we had cheated the system or something. That was until four full fledged Thai GI-Joe’s hopped on the bus with no seat reservations. Where do you think they sat for twelve hours on the bus to the border? Yep, you guessed it. On our feet. As I always say, “Remember, NOTHING ever goes as planned in South-East Asia.”

We felt bad for the Thai army men, I mean we really did. The poor guys literally sat on the floor and attempted to sleep criss-crossed on top of each other while the driver cruised around bends at high speeds on the somewhat mountainous, dark and windy roads. At the same time I had to worry about myself as well considering we had a long ride and like everyone else on the bus that purchased a ticket, we should have been able to extend our legs without kicking one or two of the four bodies that we’re sprawled out on the floor below us. As for me it was even tougher considering my legs are much longer than Liz’s. Remind you, both Liz and I both had a small backpack at our feet which had a few snacks and drinks, and necessities inside but these were also hard to access considering we could hardly move in our seats.

Fast forward 12 hours and we arrive at Udon Thani, our next mission is to catch a public bus from here to Nong Khai the bordering city of Thailand and Laos. Once we collect our luggage we walk over and purchase our tickets to Nong Khai. The bus arrives within two minutes and we’re off to Nong Khai!

An hour and a half later we are dropped off on the side of the road as the bus driver yells “Laos, border, Laos!”. We hop off and as usual the tuk-tuk’s are there waiting to take advantage of us. They want 40 baht to take us to the border. I try offering 20, but I’m shut down immediately as all of the tuk-tuk drivers already made an agreement to stick to 40 baht and no lower therefore there is for once, no such thing as competition. Interesting. We go with 40 and we’re on our way.

The Border Scam

On the way to the border we encounter the scam that you may have already read about. It usually goes something like this…

Before you approach the Thai border the tuk-tuk driver will turn around and point to a sign of a business on the side of the road that says “Visa“. He knows that you get your visa for Laos on arrival when entering the country. It’s not that he’s asking you to apply for your visa in this office on the side of the road, he’s asking if you want them to “assist” you with filling out the paperwork which consists of filling in your First and Last name, Passport #, Home Address, and Address of the place you’ll be staying in Laos. Basically they will fill out your form for you and you will pay them 100 baht for it. What a joke! Don’t fall for it. Just simply wave your hand on saying “No, to the border please” and you’ll be all set.

Upon arriving at the Thai side of the border we quickly filled our departure forms and got on yet another bus that takes you out of Thailand and into Laos stopping at the Arrivals side of the Laos border. Once here we filled out our forms, told the immigration officer’s where we were staying, and got our free 30-day entry visas on arrival.

The Vientiane Tuk-Tuk Scam

Knowing we needed to hire a tuk-tuk to get from the border to the capital city of Vientiane, we walked across the border and avoided yet another well known scam. The tuk-tuk to Vientiane scam. As soon as you cross the border you’ll see these tuk-tuk drivers standing in front of you trying to get your attention. They will be holding signs that say “Only 300 baht to Vientiane!”. Stroll past those idiots, and once you walk another ten feet you’ll be approached by much more reasonable drivers who will take you to Vientiane for a mere 50baht. It’s that simple!

We arrive in Vientiane after about a half hour ride and we easily find our hostel for the night. We chose the Mixay Guesthouse due to it’s popularity with fellow travelers and backpackers. Our room was situated right next to the front desk so it was quite loud at times, but it didn’t bother us at all. The room was clean, the A/C was cold and the bathroom was decent as well. Two things I didn’t like about this place was that the Wi-Fi only worked from 11am-9pm. Odd? I also didn’t like that the staff didn’t produce receipts for the rooms after you pay therefore hypothetically you could be approached the following day asking to pay for the second night that you already paid for. Yes, this happened to us.

Our first night in Vientiane was interesting to say the least. I had the worst meal that I’ve experienced in all of Asia, as a matter of fact the worst meal I’ve ever experienced on all of my travels. Whatever the meat was, it surely wasn’t chicken! To top things off I don’t think it could get any more aggravating when you’re approached by tuk-tuk drivers at every corner but yet they’re not asking you if you need a ride. They’re asking you if you want to buy drugs from them. Suddenly as we’re walking by expecting them to ask us if we need a ride like every other city we’ve been to, we hear whispers of “Marijuana, Cocaine, Boom-Boom?”

Now, I don’t mind if I can find drugs in a city but if the drugs are finding me, I sort of have an issue with that. It wasn’t like they took your answer of “No” either. You would walk by and say “No, Thanks“. Two minutes later you’d be walking back to your guesthouse and the same guy is asking you to buy drugs from him again, knowing that you want nothing to do with him or his drugs. This makes for a dirty, and unsafe place in my opinion and I was already looking forward to leaving Vientiane on the first night.

The Morning After

The following morning we woke up, headed out and grabbed something to eat hoping that this new day would go a little more smoothly. We arrive back at the guesthouse around noon and one of the members of the staff is asking me to pay for the room for tonight. I explain that I had already paid for two nights up front but he doesn’t believe me. Although I clearly remember paying him for two nights unfortunately I wasn’t given a receipt and therefore I can’t prove it. I’m fed up so I pack up my stuff, throw him the keys and tell him to keep the change.

We make the walk down to the public bus station where we find that a bus to Vang Vieng is leaving in 15 minutes. Perfect! We got there right on time considering they leave every few hours. As usual, we were the only two foreigners on the bus and we were seated at the back with everyone else’s belongings.

Four bumpy hours later we hear “Vang Vieng!” and we look out the window to see an old abandoned air strip. I guess we’ve arrived. We hire a tuk-tuk to take us down to the river where we find this young girl who wants to show us her bungalows (Le Jardin Organique Bungalows). After seeing what she had to offer, we excitedly threw our bags down and hit the streets of Vang Vieng.

Interesting to say the least

Vang Vieng was interesting to say the least. The streets are lined with restaurants and bars playing Friends re-runs all day. How odd? Some of the restaurants show Family Guy and South Park as well. Talk about a town that has been absolutely taken over by tourism!

It’s obviously still growing as there are a few hotels currently under construction in town. I found it amazing that they actually use trees for scaffolding here. Talk about dangerous! This would last two seconds in the U.S. before OSHA ripped it down and completely closed down the site.

It’s all about the drunk tubing baby!

After walking and cycling around Vang Vieng for a few days I realized that VV is literally all about the tubing experience. Vang Vieng supposedly offers a tubing experience like no other. You most likely will have never heard of such an experience due to the sheer fact of how idiotic of a concept it is.

Picture this…

You rent an inner tube, get taken a few kilometers outside of town and cruise down the Nam Song River. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? Well, the real deal is that there are make shift bars set up along the river banks where they pull you in, mix up strong cocktails, and serve as many beers to you as you can handle. Once you’ve had enough at the first bar they then send you off down river so that you can be lured into the next bar 20 meters down river to drink some more. Sound like fun? It gets even better. They even have rope swings, and sketchy zip-lines set up for drunk revelers to throw themselves into the water. Some even show off by dismounting into the water with a front flip or two. Due to the  fact that it’s currently monsoon season, the river is high, the rocks and trees are even more hidden underwater and it just makes an absolute mess of people when they bowl into the debris. That’s why 80% of the people you see stumbling around town with bandages on their legs, ankles, and heads likely just survived a day of tubing in Vang Vieng baby!

Screw it, I don’t need a tube!

If things could get any worse, some people even skip out on renting the tube to save a few bucks thinking they will just be taken down river by the current. I mean, who really NEEDS a tube? Nevermind a life jacket...

That’s exactly what the young man who drowned the day before we left did. A couple that we met on the bus the following day actually were sickened due to watching the man’s head bob up and down in the water as he was taken down river to his death. Sickening as this happens to many tourist every year in Vang Vieng yet nothing is done about it. Just imagine that man’s family having to get that call. Simply unbelievable.

On a Happier Note…

Vang Vieng is also notoriously known for it’s “happy” items on restaurant menus. You can get yourself a “happy” pancake, a “happy” pizza, even a “happy” shake. This is yet another problem in Vang Vieng as you sometimes see people passed out in bars and restaurants and it’s not due to drinking, it’s due to drugs that are mixed into that happy pizza that they just consumed.

After a few days of bumming around town, we ordered our Vietnamese Visas and booked the next bus out to Hanoi which turns out to be the worst bus ride we’ve ever encountered on the trip thus far. Just wait until you hear about this one…